As many of you have probably noticed, I am a large breasted woman. I’ve been this way for most of my adult life. For the longest time, I wore a 36 C, then all of a sudden in my late 30s, they expanded to a 42 D. I blame the Hubby. I think he has a Jedi Mind Trick to do this.
Though breast enhancements continue to thrive, as any bountiful babe will tell you, more boob means more problems. I’ve come to the point where I’m seriously considering a breast reduction, much to the Hubby’s chagrin. Here’s just a sample of what I deal with all the time:
Back Pain. I have a double whammy in this department, as I have nerve damage in my lower back from a car accident. Standing in long lines are not fun. Neither is wearing huge balloons on my chest, adding to the strain. This is the number one reason I want these reduced!
I’m a Walking Hazard. Unlike my smaller sisters, my boobs have been known to be deadly weapons. When in a grocery store, I wince when I have to reach up to grab something because I’m probably going to knock over a few items in front of me. I also have to sit away from a dinner table to make sure my gozangas don’t knock over glasses!
Working Out is a Joke. Jogging is absolutely out of the question. Doing Zumba or any kind of jumping around aerobics involves two heavy duty sports bras and a prayer than I don’t pull a breast muscle (which has happened, by the way). I might suffocate if I try doing Downward Facing Dog. If I hope to get into better shape, these big girls need to go!
Buying an Affordable Bra is Impossible. Problem one: Most stores don’t carry sizes above a 40. Problem two: I will count on having to spend at least $50 to get a decent, well fitting bra. The $20 Playtex ones are useless, plus ugly as hell.
Fashion Can be Tricky. Button down blouses? Forget about it. I haven’t worn one in six years. Any top without stretch is not going to happen. Plus anything lacy, includes ruffles or bows, or satin is not happening with large breasts. Strapless? Yeah, right!
Trying Not to Look Like a Porn Star. Every day, I constantly walk the line of “am I showing too much cleavage?” Don’t get me wrong – I own who I am. However, for anyone to take me seriously, I have to watch the cleavage factor. Funny how we celebrate big boobs, but when we have them, we’re encouraged to cover them up. I. Can’t. Win.
Sleeping Comfortably. On my back? Nope. I will suffocate myself. On my side? My boobs smash together. On my stomach? I need to place a pillow just the right way so I don’t feel like I’m being squeezed.
So ladies and gentlemen, wish for large boobs. I get it. They look fabulous! However, I can do with a little less va-va voom and more comfort! Here’s to my Big Boob Girls, “hang in there!”
Until next time!
Love, laughter, and shoes –